On holding it together in public — and what finally happens when you stop.
Coachella weekend always floods my feed. The fashion, the music, the sun-drenched photos of people looking like they’re living their absolute best lives. This past weekend was no different.
Looking at Instagram, I remembered when I used to be one of those people.
My ex-husband worked in entertainment, and when we were married, Coachella was a huge event for us. Artist passes. Golf carts. A backstage world that looked like everything from the outside. We parked behind the stage, walked in without waiting in a single line, and spent the weekend in a world most people only see from the crowd. It was an experience I’ll never forget.
But while my photos were incredible, and it looked like I was living my best life – the truth was not so pretty.
My last trip to Coachella was the year Beyoncé, draped in Balmain, crushed the weekend with her iconic performance – the one that would later become the Netflix documentary Homecoming. I was five months pregnant with my second son. From the outside, you’d have thought it was the ultimate festival highlight reel.
In reality, the evidence I uncovered that weekend was – and still is, years later – a painful blur.
I knew my marriage was in trouble. I knew it was worse than I thought. He told me I was acting crazy, which made me second-guess myself. I had that feeling I couldn’t quite name yet, and it sat in my chest the entire weekend. But I kept smiling. I kept posting. One big happy family.
Because what else was I supposed to do?
We hold it together in public
I realize now that what I was doing that weekend was truly the only thing I knew how to do. And it’s something so many of us do — for so long that it starts to feel normal.
We smile for the photo. We show up to work, to school pickup, to family dinners and say “I’m fine” when someone asks. We become so practiced at managing the outside that sometimes we lose track of what’s actually happening on the inside.
And as a single mom, that pressure doesn’t go away — it just shifts. There’s a particular kind of pressure that comes with single motherhood: to not need too much, to prove to yourself as much as anyone that you can do this, and do it all on your own.
I know you can do it. I knew I could too. But I’m talking about those moments when you’re holding it together on the outside while feeling chaos on the inside. My Coachella weekend was the extreme version — but it made me think about how easy it is to get stuck in the cycle of saying everything is fine, when inside, you really could use some help.
What changed when I stopped pretending
After that Coachella weekend, I eventually stopped holding it together on my own. I let myself be honest — with myself first, and then slowly with the people around me.
My sister had been with me that weekend. She saw it all firsthand — the evidence, his reaction, his choices. She even helped me clean it all up. And once she was in it with me, suddenly I wasn’t alone in the nightmare anymore. I’d let someone in that I trusted, someone I knew was going to help me.
I set a date for change. Once I realized how long I’d been putting on a front, I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. Funny enough — he gave me the clarity I needed two weeks before that deadline. This time there was no question. He couldn’t call me crazy. And that was it.
My sister was there. Friends showed up in ways I never expected. And that was the shift that changed everything — not a grand gesture, not a perfect plan, but the moment I finally stopped carrying it alone.
When I let people in. When I stopped saying “I’m fine” and started saying “I actually need some help with this” — everything got lighter. Not easier overnight. But lighter. And lighter was enough to keep going.
This week’s power move: clear the chaos inside
I know my Coachella story is a big one. Yours might be quieter — a season of exhaustion you’ve been pushing through, a worry you’ve been holding alone, something small that’s started to feel heavy. It doesn’t have to be dramatic to deserve support. It just has to be real.
This week, I want to invite you to take 5–10 minutes of quiet time and sit with these four questions. Think about the areas where you’re thriving — you’re a boss, don’t forget that. And let’s also look at the areas where we keep saying “it’s fine.”
Four questions to ask yourself:
1. Is there an area of my life right now where I keep telling myself I’m fine — but I’m really not? (It could be big: finances, co-parenting, loneliness. Or small: exhaustion you’re ignoring, a friendship draining you, a decision you keep avoiding.)
2. What would it feel like to stop pretending this is okay, even just to myself? Not to anyone else — just in this moment, with yourself.
3. Is this something I want to change, or am I not ready yet? Both answers are okay. Awareness is its own kind of progress.
4. Who is one person I could let in, even just a little? A friend, a therapist, a community. You don’t have to share everything — just a crack in the door.
A mindset shift to carry with you
“Strength is not holding it all together alone. Strength is knowing when to put something down and ask for a hand.”
Not having it all figured out doesn’t mean you’re not doing an extraordinary job. You got up. You showed up. You kept going — even when nobody saw how much that cost you. You’re still showing up every single day.
You are in the middle of writing something extraordinary. And you don’t have to write it alone.
The support is out there. The people are out there. And the version of you that lets them in? She is unstoppable.
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
Xo, Heather
