On solo travel, staying present, and the moment I realized my boys were watching me the whole time.
We just got back from Spring Break and the car still has sand in it. I’m still working through the laundry, but I have been sitting with my coffee thinking about something from this trip that I cannot stop turning over in my mind…and I had just had to write about it. If you have been thinking about traveling as a single mom, this one is for you.
We took a little road trip to Montecito, just south of Santa Barbara – one of the best road trips with kids in Southern California. If you have never been, it is one of my favorite spots, especially if we want an easy road trip. I have two clients there, so I planned the trip around Spring Break – a little work, a lot of beach, and some quality time with my boys. Two nights, no agenda except for having fun!
The Rosewood Miramar is our spot!
We have a tradition when we come to this area – dinner at the Rosewood Miramar Beach Hotel followed by a little walk down to the beach and some window shopping in the resort shops. It sits right on the beach, and the Surfrider train actually runs through the property, which the boys are completely obsessed with. We have done this trip a few times now and seeing the train never gets old.
We were sitting on the patio, looking out over the ocean, playing Super Mario checkers while we waited for dinner, and I felt this wave of overwhelming happiness that just filled my chest. I thought to myself…
I planned this. I did this. I made this happen for us. All on my own.
I want to tell you something about that feeling. Because I did not always have access to it. There was a long stretch of time where the idea of taking my kids somewhere new – by myself, with no backup plan and no second adult to share the logistics with – felt like something I was not sure I could handle.
I was soooo wrong!
What traveling solo with your kids actually teaches you…
Here is what I have learned from traveling with my boys as a single mom: you do not show up the same way when it is just you.
There is no one to defer to. No one to hand the hard moment off to. You are the navigator, the decision-maker, and the person who figures out what to do when the plan falls apart. And because of that, you become completely, unavoidably present. Your kids feel you there in a way that is different from the everyday – where the to-do list and the notifications and the hundred small responsibilities are always pulling at the edges of your attention.
We played games in the car and at dinner. We had inside jokes and songs we sang walking down the street. They asked questions about everything they saw, wanted to buy something in every single store, and kept asking what we were doing next. All things we do at home too (lol!), but it just feels different when you are not at home.
But here is the moment from this trip that I keep coming back to. My boys were not just having fun. They were watching me.
Watching me handle the directions when something went sideways. Watching me say yes to the detour. Watching me order confidently, figure things out, and move through a new place like a woman who belongs anywhere she decides to go.
I always tell them, “we are problem solvers. We figure things out because we are smart and we make things happen.” And on this trip, I realized they were not just hearing those words, they were living them with me.
That realization hit me on the drive home as they were asleep in the backseat. And it made everything feel worth it. Every hard season. Every thing I figured out alone. All of it leading to moments like that one.
What travel does for you – not just for your kids…
There is something about being somewhere new that creates space between you and everything you are carrying. The co-parenting schedule, the work emails, the pile of decisions waiting on your kitchen counter. Somehow they feel smaller when you are standing on the beach with your kids.
Even though I was still checking emails and getting work done, I was fully present in a way that is hard to access at home. We were not rushing to school or squeezing in homework. We were stopping in a new bookstore and exploring different stories, picking out new books for the summer. (Godmother’s Books in Summerland, by the way, is my new obsession!) We finished dinner and asked each other: what should we do now? Go to the new ice cream shop I keep seeing on Instagram? Let’s go!
Travel reminds you that there is a version of your life that is spacious and joyful and full of possibility. And you can access it without anyone’s permission.
It doesn’t have to be perfect, just make it happen!
Our trip was not perfect. Things went sideways, as they always do. There was a stomachache after too much ice cream, arguments over what movie to watch before bed, stores that were closed because we got there too late, and absolutely no parking at the zoo. But none of it mattered. We figured it out and had the best time.
My boys will not remember the moment something went wrong. They will remember that we went. That their mom packed the bags, figured out the details, and took them somewhere they will talk about for years.
That is the story I am writing for them. And honestly, it is the one I am writing for myself too.
So now it’s YOUR turn…
Is there a trip you have been thinking about? Even a small one? One night away, a road trip with snacks and a playlist, a weekend at a friend’s house, a trip with your kids to somewhere new. It does not have to be a flight or a hotel or a whole production. It just has to be something.
The size of the trip does not matter. The act of choosing yourself and your kids enough to go – that is the whole thing.
Get it on the calendar. I promise you, the version of you sitting in the car on the drive home, kids asleep, heart full – will be so glad you did.
Happy travels!
Xo, Heather
Ps… Incase you decide you want to head to Montecito or Santa Barbara for a little trip, here are links to some of our favorite spots that we love to visit when in the area!
- Godmother Books = best bookstore I have been to in a while!
- Rosewood Mirmar Hotel = Nantucket vibes but in Southern CA, obsessed with this one!
- Rori’s Ice Cream = so delicious, prepare to wait in line.
- Montecito Country Mart = cutest shopping spot with restaurants and boutiques.
- Cynthia & Benjamin = need new sunnies? Go see Jordan, he is the best!
- Jeannine’s Bakery = breakfast was so good, we ate here twice.
- K. Frank = my favorite boutique on Coast Village Drive.
- Butterfly Beach = easy parking and the kids can play for hours.
- Santa Barbara Zoo = Never feels crowded and the kids love to feed the giraffes.
- Third Window Brewing = do not miss the smash burgers here, we loved the SB location!
